The Best Sympathy Gifts I Received While Grieving

Hi there, I'm Shelby and if you know me you know that in early 2020 I watched the man I planned to spend my life with, Peter, pass away from a surprise pulmonary embolism. Two weeks later, the world shut down for a global pandemic. And it seemed we were all thrust into grief. Most of us for the first time.

Beautiful Sympathy Flowers, Always Loved

When my loved one is suffering through a time like this all I want to do is ease their pain, and shower them with love. But sometimes, I have no idea how to truly do this. How do I do this when I haven't experienced what they're living through? Will they even find comfort in this gift I've found? Is this triggering? Is this insensitive? Is this even useful? Is this just another object I'm giving them that they will have to take care of during their heartbreak? Some of the gifts and cards I received during my own grief were truly life changing. Even just the thought behind why someone gifted me a specific item, brought me so much comfort and relief. But more importantly, made me feel heard and understood. Feeling understood, and like there is anyone else that can relate to your feelings, is one of the most important struggles during grief. The moments I felt deeply alone in my thoughts were the moments I became unhealthy. Isolating myself when I needed support, denying myself basic needs, convincing myself I am now a burden to others, or that this was all my fault. When someone reached out with a truly thoughtful gesture of love, a bit of hope snuck back into my heart each time.

So, if you have no idea how to comfort your loved one during their heartbreak, no matter what they're grieving, read on down this article for examples of the best sympathy gifts I received while grieving:

• jewelry I could wear daily to remind me of them

• seeds of their favorite flower, their birth flower, or forget-me-not flowers to plant in honor of them

• pictures or videos of them I had never seen before

• essential oils and candles intended for healing, grief, and heartbreak

• gifts that embrace the messy parts of healing too, because healing is never really pretty

  
  

The Best Sympathy Gifts I Received While Grieving

1) Jewelry That Reminds Me Of Them

If you are a jewelry wearer, there is nothing like purposefully picking out which piece to wear for the day that will make you feel connected to your lost person. When someone compliments my jewelry pieces, I have the opportunity to tell a little of Peter's story. Or to at least be reminded again of his love and light. I don't even notice myself holding it when I'm feeling anxious, and then feeling a little more calm. After loss, it can feel like every moment and every gesture needs to have an important purpose. Which we know is not true. But even putting on jewelry with a purpose, helped me feel more loved and understood during this journey. Now almost all of my journey has a special connection to someone or something.

October Marigold Birth Flower Necklace by Ever Aster Jewelry tbd Coming Soon to Our Online Boutique

Some of my personal favorite jewelry pieces are of birth flowers. I love the idea that his energy could be blooming in a new part of nature. Or that I will pass his birth flower in the world and be reminded of his love. I adore these dainty birth flower necklaces from brand Ever Aster. These will be available to order for yourself or a loved one later this summer from our Marigold Moon Comfort Gift Boutique. (tbd)

2) Seeds of Their Favorite Flower, Birth Flower, or Forget-Me-Not Flower

If you are ready to focus on a hobby like gardening, planting seeds to care for and grow in honor of them can be so special and healing. The idea of nurturing a live plant that needs care, that is in memory of your loved one, can help comfort you in lots of ways. It can give you a task to distract you, help you to feel more fulfilled, give you more of a purpose, help you feel connected to your person, and also provide you something beautiful to look at. A friend of mine gave me a special little succulent to care for on the two year anniversary of Peter's passing and I still cherish it to this day.

Growing Wishes Flower Garden by Potting Shed Creations tbd Coming Soon to Our Online Boutique

I received an adorable seed started gift just like this that kept me occupied and out in the sunshine that season. I was so excited when the seeds started sprouting. Now, if you are not ready to keep up with another life task, I totally understand that. It took me a while to be able to keep up with something consistently even like watering the plants. But if this idea would bring you joy, you can hopefully find this kit and others from Potting Shed Creations in our online boutique soon and pop up markets.

3) Pictures or Videos of Them I Had Never Seen Before

Baby Picture of Peter in Australia

During grief you are not only losing the physical person you love, but you are also losing the future you were going to have with them. The dreams, plans, and work you have put in for a life that was suddenly taken away from you. Whether they were your family, your friend, or your lover. This also means you're grieving making new memories with them, and the learning of old memories. There would be no more revealed stories from his family about funny moments of Peter's life before we were together. Stories that taught me more about him, brought us closer together, and inspired us to make our own new memories. All of that would be now be gone. I felt like I would never be able to grow closer to Peter than I was at that moment. But I was fortunate to receive pictures and videos I had never seen before of Peter as a child, as a teenager, in times of life we had only talked about, and pictures he had taken of me that I had never seen before myself. Being able to gather new memories of him even after he passed has been exponentially helpful in feeling like he is still always with me. Whatever that means to you. And I do feel like we have been able to grow closer, which is a story for another day.

4) Essential Oils and Candles Intended for Healing, Grief, and Heartbreak

Sleep Essential Oil Roller by Jane Gee tbd Coming to Our Online Boutique

Some of my favorite and most useful gifts I received were gifts intended to help me heal emotionally. This made me feel so much more understood and normal. Like my friends and family were acknowledging the struggle it will be for me from now on. Purposefully picking out an essential oil to diffuse or roll on my wrists, depending on the help I craved, really helped me to even allow myself to feel what I needed to. I was gifted candles with intentions to light on anniversaries, or when I was meditating, or only when I was feeling sad. These items really helped me to take time to assess how I was feeling, so I could determine which little candle or oil to use for the day and feel more comforted.

5) Gifts That Embrace The Messy Parts of Healing Too

Grief and healing are not linear. And I know you've heard that before. In the very beginning of my grief it was actually much easier to feel light than it was a year or two down the line. This is solely my own experience, but with time my grief only intensified and worsened. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I didn't feel the hopeful sides that loss was supposed to teach me. I didn't feel appreciative for "the days I had left". I didn't want to spend time with the people I loved because now "life was short". I didn't want to follow my dreams because "now they can't". All of the stereotypes you believe you are meant to be feeling, they all made me sick. And so I felt immense guilt. Not only was I fighting the feeling that the loss was my fault, but now I was fighting the feeling that I wasn't grieving him properly.

When friends and family allowed me to express these messy negative feelings, I started to feel like I could breathe again. Like maybe this grief wasn't actually consuming me, and the way I'm feeling was meant to be a part of this. After loss, you already feel so hopeless for your future. Feeling safe enough to let the messy thoughts and feelings out about my grief was imperative to my survival. And you know what? It gave the people around me permission to feel how they needed to as well. They didn't feel the need to protect me with their words or hide their own struggles too. We were healing through this together. The honesty lifted tons of weight off of our already heavy hearts.

You might spend a lot of time in comfy clothes while grieving. You might not. But I felt a lot of relief throwing on a comfy quality sweatshirt that I could chuckle at in the mirror or look down at and feel like I was getting a little hug. I find comfort in the cynical and the ironic. Especially since my journey has been nothing but clean. This sweatshirt is an original design by us at Marigold Moon, subtly joking about the experience of feeling indoctrinated into a club with others that you really did not want to be a part of. This club is grief, and it really did feel like I had entered into a "club". The only way you get into the grief club is through well... loss... so we're sorry about the initiation. Trust us, we understand. If you like coping with humor and sarcasm, you are going to love the products we have at our little online gift boutique.

All in all, I still understand the struggle of finding the perfect gift for your loved one who is hurting. But if you are truly thinking of the best way you can bring comfort to your person, they are going to love whatever gift you bring them. Love, and understanding, is what is needed most during this time. And the idea that someone thought up a gift just for me and my personal grief journey, is a gesture of love in itself. It's not about crossing the duty off your list, it's about putting yourself in your loved ones shoes no matter how painful their grief is. And one day, when you need them in this way, they will never forget how you made them feel supported.

If you love shopping with a purpose and supporting small businesses, then please visit our online boutique to learn more about our story! We donate to mental health and grief support organizations with every purchase. Our mission is to lighten and normalize your healing journey with our comfy collection of gifts, apparel, and self care items. All created or curated from me, a girl that has been through it all. We are actually preparing for our official soft launch on May 10th of this year! Our original graphic tees, sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags will be available for online order or to shop at our in person pop up markets in Louisville, Kentucky. Look out for our full gift collection to drop later this summer! Because we will be donating with every purchase, our financial goals are steeper than the typical small business start. We have been so fortunate to receive donations so far to help us launch and donate as much as possible and are 1/3 of the way to our fundraising goal! I can't believe it! If you would like to support our cause, or know someone who might be interested in our little brand, please share our verified GoFundMe campaign here. Here you can read more about Peter and I's story, as well as updates on our boutique launch and what your donations have helped us achieve so far. Thank you so much for your support while we try to help as many people feel less alone on their healing journeys as possible! This boutique is a huge stepping stone in my own healing story, and I thank you.

The Best Sympathy Gifts I Received While Grieving